America, Pump Your Brakes

Now that the dust has settled, I've had time to put the events of the past few days into perspective. What I've learned, quite frankly, is that for a qualified black man with a sensible platform to become President of the United States, the following five conditions must be met:

1. He must first pass the brown paper bag test.
2. The incumbent's borrow and spend-thrift administration must involve us in a costly unjustified war, completely tank our economy with gross fiscal mismanagement, trample our Medicare system, and demonstrate an unrivaled level of incompetence (among other failures).
3. His opponent must run on a similar platform as the incumbent, have voted with him 90% of the time, be on his death bed, and select a running mate that doesn't know her ass from an igloo.
4. He must spend a record $650+ million on his campaign.
5. Oprah must back him.

If you meet the above criteria, you just might win 53% of the popular vote. Cynical perhaps; truthful, yes. Rather than framing the historical event with an ounce of realism, most of the world sees Obama's victory through rose-colored glasses. To most, it's quite simple: America elected a black man as its 44th President and the aforementioned context is not even a consideration. And this is good, very good. Why? Because it's inspiring even if for all the wrong reasons. It's the single biggest event that can help replace the stain of hopelessness and despair among Black America (and other minorities) with a lifted sense of self-confidence and a drive to aspire beyond sports, entertainment, and unmentionable "last resorts" into the realm of academia and politics. We need that. For everyone, it's a gesture of unification that's revitalized our commitment to each other, our communities, and the world. We need that. It's great international PR that detaches the American public from the despised Bush/Cheney administration and almost assures that we'll get Christmas cards from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-Il. We need that. So take this blog post, consume it, but please, please don't tell the hopefuls that Santa Claus isn't real.

Comments

[Edward Mendoza]

You are absolutely right about the empowerment of minorities, it's the first time since I have lived here for over 11 years that I didn't feel the white, rich, politically well connected guy was at the helm controlling our destinies and our fears, it felt like what we thought actually mattered; that the system wasn't a complete failure. Santa Claus isn't real? When did this happen?

[Meeno]

Hey Speech you forgot #6. He has to only be HALF Black.